I Wish We Had Walked

If I were l less shy
and didn't see you
as that guy 
maybe we could talk
and instead of cutting
myself away 
before I've had 
the chance to stay
I could let myself 
sink in to the moment 
and quite simply 
we could go on a walk.


Not lazy, nonsensical rhyme there, based on something that happened yesterday. 

The Ice of Isolation

Arms folded 

as if cold 
shoulders hunched 
in the shape of the old
veins fizzle with worry 
brain shrinks 
with the fear 
of not being liked 
heart pounds for approval
eyes down cast on the floor 
for anxiety of looking up 
and seeing the other pairs
silently talking 
the smiles bonding 
and I'm stuck 
on the other side  
with cold veins 
and a worrying brain. 

An Ode to Shorthand

Shorthand 
oh shorthand 
why do you exist 
you make me stressed
and make my attempts
and squiggles look shit.

You And Probably Not Me

Their eyes gaze over you
lust burning in the darkness 
of the pupils 
glazing over with a plea
that is screaming and shouting
notice me, notice me, notice me.


I'll stay here 
and hope from afar 
that one day you can be mine 
and you can take my heart.

Happiness

The picture isn't that related but I bought a padded shirt from a vintage shop yesterday and it makes me so happy xD 

Holding on to
Anything that
Puts 
People back 
Into 
Nothing
Except
Smiles, warm as
Sunshine. 

Rambling What's

So I've been here a week. Wow. I'm struggling with an idea today so I shall just start writing words and hope it's not shit.. Great attitude to have just before starting uni work isn't it?

What is me 
and who am I? 
What makes you 
and who you are?
What makes them
become an us 
and what makes like
turn into love?  
What makes us hate 
feel 
think 
sense 
believe 
have faith
what makes me 
and who am I?

Rebuild

Saw the word 'rebuild' on a sign and liked the word so thought I would make a poem about it. Because I'm that cool. 

Rebuild 
either brick by brick
or with a hand held out
with a tissue and tears 
or smiles to replace  the shouts. 


Whether physical 
or emotional
family or friend 
house or community 
there will always be people 
around to help,
until the very end. 

Dreams Stroll Down the Duvet

I usually can remember my dreams really easily but since I've been here I can't remember any of them. It's not to do with me getting so drunk I can't remember the night before, I swear! Oh and that's a picture of my bed :')

No dreams
just stirring memories
flashes of images 
the dream without the story
disconnected
from everything 
especially your head.


And those images 
walk along your duvet
away from your bed
as soon as your eyes open 
and you're left with nothing 
but the darkness
of the early morning 
and emptiness 
as the stories of your head 
walk away from you
their barely there footprints
leave the images 
for the mind to find.

One Amongst Many

New faces
different places 
look in their eyes 
laying in between 
the beautiful 
and the ugly 
not sure where I fit 
not noticeable 
just walking 
one
amongst many. 

Okay

I may not know 
the always right thing to say 
I may not know
if I'm in the way 
but I know that really
everyone is the same
and that makes the things
I don't know 
okay. 

Stumbling Alcohol

64 views yesterday? That's quite a lot for my humble blog, hence why I'm mentioning it. Oh and also most of my poems shall be based around some aspect of uni life for a few more days since it's what in my head the most.
Oh and the photo today is done by a girl from my old school - she is very good. If you like it check out some more of her photos in the link below. She hasn't asked me to do this, I just thought her photography deserves more attention :')

More Photos

Alcohol stumbles down the throat
I stumble down the path 
senses numbed 
but with a smile stuck on my face 
not really a sense of self 
or sense of time 
it feels as if most things 
can be mine 
because we have one life
and this is my time 
to do something stupid 
and it's considered fine.

Independence

So I'm now at uni, internet set up and everything. Going to be difficult to keep the poem thing going but I shall do my best :') 

Independence 
not so much in the sense
of freedom 
but trying to survive 
on your own 
away from home.


What to eat
and when 
what goes in the wash 
keeping things tidy 
little things 
that were once so easily
received  
no longer there 
replaced with thoughts
and responsibility
I suppose I may not feel 
one hundred percent ready
but now,
I have to be.


Makes me seem a bit down but I'm not :') I tried to make it rhyme and the words I picked seem a bit melancholy. Oh well...

new chapter

I'm in the car - on the way to uni. Exciting times.

new chapter
same book
time to give some things
a second look
turning through pages
but not too quick
remember to live
that's the trick.

Fast Future

Future suddenly thrust 
right in to my hands 
my feet beginning to tumble 
right down the path 
of opportunity
I have to be careful 
not to slip
make a mistake 
miss anything.


For it's happening
right now 
I'm growing up
growing older,
wiser?
I'll have to wait and see. 

How We Say Goodbye

As promised, here is me making the poem yesterday, better. 
Original couplet:
Saying goodbye
it makes me cry


Can't really find a picture that sums it up right. Apologies. 


How we say goodbye 
it's so much in the words
that we utter or cry
but in the grip of the hug 
the warmth of a head 
pressing in to a shoulder 
the heart beat that becomes
as heavy as a boulder
the tears that run down the face 
forever 
but really, not for long
in that warm, tight embrace. 


Hopefully it's a bit better than the couplet :')

Blossoming Smile

Smile flits across the face
a blossom petal in the spring 
not that lasting 
but appreciated and welcome 
while it does.


It barely begins to grow 
not really there to put on a show
for the camera 
or acknowledgement of others. 
a personal smile 
intended for the person alone
lost in their memories
and travelling  in their own world.  


But to everyone else 
they are just a stranger 
smiling to themselves 
and the smile fades 
as quickly as the blossom
blows away in a breeze.

The Difference of Scared and Fear

I have never felt fear for myself
but for those whom I love 
if something terrible happens 
the kind of things that you don't speak of. 


I have felt scared on my own
countless times, it's just me 
and my own life 
the reasoning and emotion
no where near as deep 


When stuck in the dark 
the heart tightens 
a fist around the veins 
but without them here
nothing would be the same 
and that thought 
nearly makes me insane. 

Another Nostalgic Poem

It's my dad's birthday today (happy birthday dad) though he doesn't read this so pretty pointless thing to write. Oh well, it's a nice sentiment right? 

Anyway since I am moving to university this Sunday - ruddy exciting times indeed - I thought I could go slightly nostalgic with this thing. I've done this before when I posted a poem I wrote when I was about . . . 14 I think? But this is taking it back even further (how can you stand the excitement?) and I'm posting a poem I wrote when I was 7 - which was in an anthology with different primary school from around the town :') 

I don't think I'll put a picture on today, it just seems better to put the poem on. No idea why!

Life Under The Sea

Dolphins leap in the air

Treasure chest in their lair.

Fish swim slow and lightly,

Crabs' shell shut tightly.

Seaweed sways like a tree.

Seals jump wild and free.

Whales shoot water out.

Sand builds into a mount.

Starfish like on a rock.

Rocks together like a lock.

Killers whales catch their prey.

Little fish play all day. 

Clownfish glide and swim.

Sharks hide in the dim.

Turtles plodding on the sand.

Blue whales swim so grand. 

Angelfish glide like a butterfly,

As ships pass by

I wonder why it's like to be in the sea

To swim and be free? 

The sad thing this, this is probably better than most of my poems on here xD 

The Decision is Mine

So I just spent about twenty minutes in my bedroom, drinking a cup of tea and thinking. But it's hard how to describe what I was thinking about, everything just seemed to drift around my head, not really settling down anywhere. So this poem is trying to get those thoughts to stick somewhere. 

In this room 
things don't really change 
the sunlight comes 
the sunlight goes 
the dust covers on books fade
glumly sat next to lucky ones
who got the shade. 


In the years that are coming now 
decades or more 
I won't be able to get through this door
It won't be home
I won't be welcome.


But unlike the books 
that are stuck on my shelf 
I have the decision to change
change my life and my self 
I can change through time
time won't change for me 
it's my decision, the decision is mine. 


We all grow old 
this we've been told 
but in comparison to earth 
and how it came to be 
we are still so young
and our significance tiny.


We all move on
whether a different bedroom
with books stuck in the gloom
or something deeper 
we make that change 
stuck in the flow of time 
but that decision,
that decision is mine.  

9/11

I know words can't really describe the horror of what happened ten years ago -this is just my small attempt to. I thought rather than describe the event, I'd go down a more personal route, though again it's impossible to know what it was like for the people involved.  Of course, this poem is dedicated to all those who lost their lives in the attacks of 9/11. Rest in Peace. 

There's burning
crying
screaming 
everything has lost
all of it's meaning 
I am surrounded 
by panic
by smoke 
I can't feel my lungs 
I begin to choke.


I can't take this
I can't take this any more 
despite my knowledge 
of the heaven high floor 
I decide to leap 
desperately wishing
my life was mine to keep.


My heart picks an image 
so I can keep a steady head 
when I go 
I shall not be thinking 
of this, of this hell
but I shall be loving them
and I shall be with them instead. 

Greetings and Meetings

Making new relationships 
handshakes 
with palm lines 
running in to one another
hopefully close
but likely not so much 
as a sister or brother


Smile 
look like you know 
what's going on 
trying to look like 
you belong 


Hi,
it's worth a try.

Treading on Eggshells

Treading on eggshells 
when shaping vowels 
and consonants 
trying to remember 
the do's and dont's.


Wince if one cracks
checking for the reaction 
all around the room
taking the decision 
to lighten steps by a fraction.


Now to keep moving on
persuade myself I belong 
in this conversation 
trying to reach my destination 
of acceptance. 

Faith

Not meaning to be religious but you can easily take it that way :') More so because I feel like so many people have faith in me at the moment to do well. Kind of adds pressure but is comforting at the same time. I shall be probably write a poem about that at some point - just a heads up for you. 

Finding 
An
Idea
To
Hold on to.  

What I Would Like

Noses touching 
smile sharing 
always caring 
with you.


Face pressed 
into your chest 
your arms
around my waist 
you smile at me 
I'm the only 
person that you see.



Soft slow kisses 
simple wishes 
long lastings hugs 
being in love.

The White Sails of the Wind

The wind gasps against the window
the glass shakes 
it sprints through the trees 
and the branches ache


While lying in bed 
the strangest of thoughts 
occur in my head 
of white washed sails 
above the house 
billowing in the breeze 
drifting along 
with the simplest of ease 


The ship brings the wind 
so it's sails can flow 
it steers through the sky 
its movement strong, slow 
and all the while 
the wind bellows.


The ship of the night time 
navigating with the moon
but it will be gone, 
it will be gone soon.


The wind is silent against the window
the glass is still 
it stops in the trees 
and there is a chill. 

The Mouth Doesn't Say

I'm sorry 
if I talk too long 
I'm sorry 
if I bore or boast 
I'm sorry 


I like you 
yes, in that way 
do you like me? 
Please say yes
I like you


Shut up
right now
you're annoying me
Shut up. 

The Selfish Shellfish

He focuses on himself
because he's the selfish shellfish 
he clamps down 
on only the things that revolve around 
him 
and only himself


Does this effect me?
What do I want the most? 
Are questions he thinks 
while swimming in the sea 
would this give me a good reason
to flock amongst others and boast?



You?
Who are you?
For the selfish shellfish 
there is no else 
for his world is his shell
and his shell is his world. 

Am I?

Am I
just the friend
the one will be in that zone
until the very end

Am I
the one, the only
the one who completes you
who without, you'd be lonely

Am I
the one you trust
the one who you believe
in a sea of voices, screaming you must

Am I me?
Or am I what you make believe?

Suspicion

Suspicion 
leaves a nasty trail 
streaked with slime 
across the brain 
twisting, turning
driving yourself insane. 


Shadows of thoughts
clouds of could, if and maybe 
lurk, get stuck then rain 
pouring their problems 
flooding through your brain


Now you can't see anything 
or know what to do 
just focused on those images 
what the fuck
is happening to you?

Ill

As you can tell by the title of this poem, I am ill. Ugh. 
But on a brighter note, another month down. Just 3 to go now. It'll be a relief when it's over, my ideas are running out a lot. I apologise for the shit ones  (most of my poems....) but thanks for reading none the less :') muchos love to anyone reading this. 

A penny slips down the tongue 
cotton wool clings to the nose
open eyes, the room moves
in hazy waves, pounding on the head
stuck, held down, by the heavy 
arms of the bed. 


Energy leaks in the room around
all limbs pulled towards the ground
when slowly shuffling
while health skips smugly forward 
out of reach,
till another day.